that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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