Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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