i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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