I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
