i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
