drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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