i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
