If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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