We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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