Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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