as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
