Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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