i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The best revenge is premature balding
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
