Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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