I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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