one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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