a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
