We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
