butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
