I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
