Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
