please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
