Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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