I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We left an ass print on the piano.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
