I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
