thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
