We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
