guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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