Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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