If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
