woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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