Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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