I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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