Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
