dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
