god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
