So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
