The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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