Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
