I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
