Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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