Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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