Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
50% drunk capacity currently
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
