well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
