Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My bed smells like the plague
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
