Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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