idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
