Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
MIDGETS
????
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
