Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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