and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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