my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
