I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
