one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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