batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
