College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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